Positive!

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In 1998, Martin Seligman heralded the need to put attention to Positive Psychology, a term originally coined by Abraham Maslow, when he urged Psychologists in a speech that there is a need to study why happy people are happy.



He then developed several theories about happiness and positive psychology in the ensuing years.  My favorite was that of Learned Optimism.

In summary, it is challenging our natural reaction to events and training ourselves to consciously react to it positively.  When we approach adversity with a more positive frame of mind, we rewire our mind into learning to look at the situation with optimism - that is, that this is not a permanent situation...that it, too, shall come to pass.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE SITUATION

 Notice there was no label to the situation.  It is a situation and it does not make you feel good. You lost someone, got into a squabble, lost something material, missed an opportunity - what ever it is-look at it objectively. The more important thing is to evalute how the situation is affecting you.
PAUSE TO QUESTION

How do we challenge our mind?

Have you noticed how kids, when told that things cannot be done their way, or that they may not be allowed to do some things,  respond with a question?  Kids are my models for optimism;  so, I'll focus on those trigger questions we can use to face adversity with new filters.

A.  When things are not going our way....

  • If this does not work, what would be my alternative?
  • I lost the position, what other opportunities are out there? What do I need to do to qualify next time? 
  • I am going to be late no matter what happens, so what can I do while I am stuck? 


B.  When someone does not like us or are hostile to us....

  • How much importance should I give to his/ her opinion? 
  • How much of the story does he or she know at this point? 
  • Will the way I speak to her if I speak my mind out right now put me in a position to influence him later?
  • Why is his reaction affecting me this way? Should it? 


C.  When we are disappointed with ourselves.... 

  • What have I done to face this challenge that I have never done before? 
  • How much time am I giving myself to feel disappointed? 
  • Why do I feel disappointed? To whom / what did I peg the standard of success on this one? 


CHECK POINTS

  1. Tentativeness - no situation is permanent. Circumstances change;  people change their mind; the landscape/ atmosphere change.  Look for alternatives, better timing, solutions.  
  2. Isolation - focus on what is at hand and do not make the scope of the situation bigger than it is.  We are not to solve all problems to solve one problem. 
  3. Control - Be on top of your situation. If you caused it, accept. If you are a reactor, step back and pause to plan your reaction.  If we don't, we might be caught in the whirlwind of consequences we are not ready for.  

Optimism is a matter of perspective, and our brains can be trained to contain the negativity and flip it around.  Train your brain to ask the right questions.

We would never know how one positive thought could lead you closer to a joyful ending.


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