Keeping Joy Alive

Eight years ago today, I knew of a sorrow so deep I did not think I would ever recover.  My mother passed away at 9:00 a.m. of April 24, 2010 and I have never been that sad before or since.

Death of a loved one changes you.  It introduces you to a world of loss unlike any other.  

When a loved one passes, much of one's sorrow lies in the separation and the pulling away of what we used to have.  It was in what I lost, in what I would no longer be able to do with her, about where I would go henceforth.  

"I" 

Much of my sorrow then stemmed from that singular concern over "myself" and it was a vast playground for self-pity, anxiety, uncertainty, guilt, insecurity and yes, loneliness.  

It was good that my mother was the exact opposite of  my twisted focus.  Her wake was a loud reminder of that.  As friends and stories of her kindness flooded the halls, joy entered my being; not because I saw relief, but because I saw PURPOSE. 

Sure, people were sad that she had gone too soon - she was 59.  However, the fondness of their memory of her and the stories shared was comforting to everyone in the room.  In the midst of sorrow is the joy of having known her and of being changed by her; the joy she taught us.  

What did I learn from my mother on how to live and be remembered joyfully? 

Here are a few...

1.  Take the time to create relationships.  My mother will not be forgotten because she took the time for people.  She would visit them, eat with them, laugh with them, dance with them, cry with them, pray with them.  She looked people in the eye when she talks to them. She knew their families, their stories, she KNEW them.  

2.  Give.  When we leave this world, nothing we kept for ourselves will be remembered by others.  We are only remembered by what we give.  Time, talent, treasure.  

3.  Forgive.  My last conversation with my mother was about forgiveness.  She believed in finding solutions rather than finding reasons to part ways.  Joy lies in being able to see the good in people whether they knew good was in them or not.  True enough, people were good to Nanay because she believed they had it in them even before they realize it themselves.  

4. Be Grateful.  My mother was very appreciative. Nothing is too small or too big for her.  She just gives you her wholehearted appreciation for anything you give her.  She cries over a nice dinner.  She gets giddy for Christmas. She would cry every year when her friends from church serenades her on the eve of her birthday.  Her gratitude is real it makes YOU feel special.  

5.  Pray for others.  This was the pillar of her being.  She always relied on prayer for anything.  She once lifted a picture of the Divine Mercy in front of a burning house while we scramble pointlessly to save what little we can hold with our hands.  She believed people to be healed by prayer. She prayed for people suffering emotionally, for people who are lost, for people who others have given up on.  She was part of our lives like that - whether we knew she was praying for us or not, she was part of our lives because she talked to God about us at times.   

She just might be talking to God about us right now.  Imagine that!  :) 

Death is the true test of what we lived for.  How much of what we spend time on actually remains in the people we encounter.  Joy is possible even with the experience of death.  It is possible when Joy is what people feel when they remember us.