I Am Sad Today.

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Nope, not the reason why I did not have a post last Monday.  I was on a holiday and as you know, I already made it a rule not to post when I am on holiday so I can relish the moment.

I am sad today because I chose to.



Yes, today I chose to stay in this feeling so I can take a step back and understand why.  Give it reason for its existence and then DEAL with  it.

Deal with it. That is what adults do when they are sad.

What DEALING with sadness IS NOT?  

It is not just about SOLVING your sadness.  What if it does not have any solution? What if it is beyond your control?

Dealing with sadness is not about bouncing to HAPPY.  Bouncing to happy for me is like finding the nearest EXIT sign and scramming towards it in fear of being unhappy.

Lastly, dealing with sadness is not an UGLY phase. It is necessary but not altogether ugly.  It is a time of discovery either about yourself, others, your feelings or situation.

What then is DEALING with sadness?

It is a time for sorting things out, calling things, feelings and situations by their names and taking them as is.  Sometimes, this is all you've got to do.  There are many past experiences we had that we somehow attached to feelings of sadness.  When a similar situation presents itself, whether it is logical to be sad about it or not, a feeling of sadness may ensue.  Sorting your feelings out may allow you to step back and be objective about what you have in front of you, without the color and memory of what triggers the feeling of sadness.

It is accepting what is in your power to change and what is not.  How do you know?  If it is something about you, you have control. If it something about somebody else, you have none. 

Usually, dealing with sadness takes active steps: mentally and physically.  Though I did say, it is not about solving (I already said why),  dealing with sadness still entails rising above the situation in a better shape.  This is why escapism is not an appropriate response.  Because we always come back to the same situation if we have not dealt with the situation either in our head or in the circumstance.

So, if it is something that can be solved and temporary, deal with it by taking active steps to solve it. Delaying this process only prolongs the sadness and makes them stick. 

However, in times when it is beyond your control, the activity is focused on your mind set and character.

Is someone being unjust to you?  Respond with justice and protect others from unjust treatment.

Is something forever altered and you just have to live with it?  Leave or stay.  Whichever you choose, define your reasons and be consoled by them.  Make improvements, compromises, internal changes.  Take responsibility for your own response.  Be aware that wherever you end up to be, that is a DECISION.  You are not helpless.  You decided to be there.

Are the people involved permanent in your life? The people in our lives are not there to make us happy.  We just hope they are not there to make it difficult though.  However, in times when they do make it tough, assess what their presence in your life is making you become. Concentrate on that.  Make it good.  Build your character amidst bad situations or even people.  Because no matter  how permanent you think they are, nothing really is.  You are what is left with you at the end of the day.  Focus.

As I said, I am sad today.  I do not know if I will take more time to sort and deal with what I am feeling, but I know, by writing this, I already made something good out of it.

Oh, see?  There you go...a silver lining!

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