Moving On From Regret

Since we are on the topic of time, I would like to talk today about regrets (roll up sleeves).

I had soooooo many.  From the things I did, the things I did not do, to the things I bought and did not buy; said and did not say,  ate and did not eat.  There is so much guilt on not making the right decision at the right time with the right people.

STOP.

I used to have a collection of regrets. I look back at them as I would a photo album or a compilation of movies or tv series played over and over.  Hah! Now, I do not want to remember the contents of that collection anymore...but I do squirm at the thought of how long I spent ogling over them like prized possessions.

At some point, I took a hard look at myself and said: "My best years are yet to come".

It was liberating.  Shifting my focus from "what could have been?" to "what could I do?" was magic!

With that statement, I honored the glorious past, I respected my failures and mistakes, I embraced the lessons and packed them for my journey forward and I was on my way.

I realized that the one thing that time and situations cannot change is how I see myself.

Even in times of self-doubt, I always saw myself as someone who would do something significant. I do not know to what scale or to whom or when, but significant.  I am important in some kind of process.  I got side tracked, yes.  But I did not forget.

My two cents worth on how we can move on from regrets?

Revamp your vocabulary

It's ironic that my "quest" to live a perfect life sidetracked me the most.

For every mistake or misfortune, I get fixated on the fact that life is no longer perfect. Like an obsessive compulsive person staring at an uneven line, a tilted painting on the wall, or a white cloth with permanent stain : I found no peace at the thought that my life is tarnished forever, always imperfect from hereon.

READ:  There are no absolutes. Erase perfection, forever, should and control from your vocabulary.

There is no power over absolutes. Power only lies in gracious acceptance. These absolutes do not exist in the past nor in the future.


Eyes forward. 

If I want to really go back on track, I need change.

Change is always applied to a future activity, not the past.  We cannot change the past.  What happened, already did. We can change the outcome in the future though and that is what makes the future exciting.

Letting go of our past mistakes, relationships, even achievements and good memories - braces us to make new ones.   We have been through a lot... and we still will go through more.  The thing with what is to come though, is that we can do something about it.

WARNING:  There are things I cannot change in the future, and most of them relates to other people.

I cannot change someone else.
I cannot make them love me.
I cannot make them like me.
I cannot teach them a lesson they are not prepared to learn.

How other people are in relation to me can not be the basis of my joy. I have come to accept that now.  Many times in the past, regret springs from investing too much time and effort wanting people to change.  Some of them did : at their own terms, at their own pace, not mine.

Speak to yourself kindly.  

Regret is a nag (I admit, in times of regret, I hear my mother or father) that constantly hangs around our head and whispers endlessly in our ear.

Whoever you think that voice belongs to, ultimately, it is still you talking to yourself.

So, speak to yourself kindly.

Do not dampen your own spirit with your own unrealistic standards. Do not discourage change by saying that failure is permanent.  Do not inject unfounded fear that stops you from leaping forward. Do not blame.   

Say:

It's alright, tomorrow is another day.
That was brave of you to take that risk. 
Try one more time.  
People are always worth the risk/the mistake.  
Another opportunity will come, be ready. 

And my favorite...

You have a good heart (this is what my mom used to tell me when she has nothing else good to say to me, ahahaha!)

Be patient with yourself. You did not enter the world knowing everything you know right now. Still, there are more mistakes to commit to unlock lessons to be learned.

Living with joy takes a certain level of acceptance of vulnerability. Why? Because we ARE vulnerable, and its alright.

Life lessons to do not come to us through osmosis. Usually they are pressed on us: solid, tangible and real. 

If it hurts, so be it.  We need them.

Life is a mix of good and bad, of strengths and weaknesses.  All I can have is a harmony of what life has to offer accepted in full and made intentionally beautiful nonetheless.

Now, on with my life...because "My best years are yet to come!"

And you... on with  yours.