Surprise! Not Everybody Agrees with You

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Happy Monday!

Surprise! 

We think we can handle this truth, until we are faced with opposition, a different opinion, a person who just couldn't stand us.  

Then we start to think, "why won't he agree with me?" "What is wrong with... HIM?!" 

Yup, our natural tendency is to deflect rejection and become defensive.  We justify our stance, we seek others' approval, we look for every good reason why we are right and he is wrong.  

Does not sound like you? Then maybe you belong to the group who immediately thinks, "What is wrong with ME?!" 

Another way to react to an opposition or dissenting opinion or rejection is to question our intention, our action or worse, our self-worth.   

Whichever way you swing in this continuum can be due to a lot of different factors.  However, what I want to focus on today is not how it affects you , not why it affects you but what do you do with it?  

1. Be objective.  Either one of you may be wrong or right at any given situation.  Instead of asking what is wrong with him or what is wrong with you, ask these instead: 

  • I wonder where he/she is coming from with this? 
  • What is this person seeing that I am not aware of right now? 
  • What is wrong in this situation and what is my role in making it right? 
  • On what grounds do we agree/ differ? How can we reconcile these? 
  • What do I learn about this situation if I look at it from his/her point of view? 

2.  Be open.  When you ask these questions, you will discover you are right. Other times, you will discover you are wrong. It can swing both ways. Be ready to accept that and be ready to act on what you discover. 

When you are right :  

Extend understanding first.  Make mention what you understand about the other person's point of view first:  
  • I understand that from where you are standing, this is how it may appear....
  • I also do not like it when... /  I also do not like it when people....
  • I would have reacted the same way if I also thought.... 

Then present your own point of view. 
  • However, I hope you can look at it from my point of view as well. This is where I am coming from... 
  • I hope you can also see...
  • Just to clarify....  
Most everybody would be open to see our point of view if they know you saw and understood their point of view as well.  The first step should be done sincerely to wing this second step. If you are insincere, this can actually backfire.  

Let us not forget that you may also find out that you are WRONG! 

Then be prepared to apologize and most importantly, to make things right.  


3. Lastly, be OK however which way these conversations go.  Be OK if they STILL do not see it you way.  Be OK even when your apology is not accepted. Be OK to be quiet altogether sometimes (Something that I will need a lifetime to learn and relearn).  Be OK and go your way.  

Do not shoot a darting look at the other person nor yourself.  If you do things intentionally and with thoughtfulness, when you already humbled yourself to accept your mistake and still relationships are not mended or common grounds are not found, let it be.  Sometimes, only time can make things better. You have better things to do.  

One thing is sure though, we will meet oppositions, a different opinion again somewhere else and we would have to continually work out a way for it not to affect us in such a way that we jeopardize relationships, collaborative work, or even our self-esteem (always agreeing so that we do not ruffle someone else's feather).  

Act with decisiveness and confidence yet be humble to know that you do not know everything all the time and be open to learn through others along the way.   




 

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