Why Forgive Someone Who Is Not Sorry?

-

Happy Monday!

How do you forgive someone who does not ask for forgiveness?  

You simply do. 

Most times we have to do things because of who we are and not because of who we are dealing with.  

As we learned from our topic last week, not everyone may be ready to say sorry. Even worse when they do want to cause us harm or are not aware of the harm they caused.  

Maybe it is time we differentiate forgiveness from reconciliation.  Although we may have to work on reconciliation with others, we have full power to decide on forgiving others first.   

Forgiving is an empowering experience. 

1. We exercise our power to give ourselves back our peace. 

2. We overcome our emotion and use our will to forgive. 

3. We begin to calm down and process things rationally, take responsibility for our part if any.  

4.  We learn from the experience, the person and how to move forward (we may not forgive to forget but to wisen up). 

5.  We start healing.  

Although this may take time depending on who did the offense, or the extent of the damage they caused.  It would be something we would eventually have to do.  

In time, when reconciliation becomes possible, it just makes that peace sweeter.  

In what way does forgiveness empower you?




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Online Self-ie

-
Image
How much do you want to be KNOWN? In no time in history, I believe, have people been given this much opportunity to let themselves known.  Vloggers, bloggers, even people who are actively engaged in online communities have all the avenues open to them to expose their thoughts, feelings, and whereabouts.   Sample of a heavily edited selfie! Nowadays, the ability to become vulnerable is being hailed as a strength. A symbol of honesty. Putting oneself out in the open, where people can form an opinion of you, is the consequence of social media whether it is welcome or not.   Indeed, this is what we are making every time we post.  We form a public profile.  An image, the way we want to represent ourselves.  Needless to say, the opinion of others will get to us no matter how ready we are of them.  So today I want to share some thoughts on how to keep sane in a world where other's opinion of us are inadvertently invited into our lives in our effort to put ourselves
Read more

Keeping Joy Alive

-
Image
Eight years ago today, I knew of a sorrow so deep I did not think I would ever recover.  My mother passed away at 9:00 a.m. of April 24, 2010 and I have never been that sad before or since. Death of a loved one changes you.  It introduces you to a world of loss unlike any other.   When a loved one passes, much of one's sorrow lies in the separation and the pulling away of what we used to have.  It was in what I lost, in what I would no longer be able to do with her, about where I would go henceforth.   "I"  Much of my sorrow then stemmed from that singular concern over "myself" and it was a vast playground for self-pity, anxiety, uncertainty, guilt, insecurity and yes, loneliness.   It was good that my mother was the exact opposite of  my twisted focus.  Her wake was a loud reminder of that.  As friends and stories of her kindness flooded the halls, joy entered my being; not because I saw relief, but because I saw PURPOSE.  Sure,
Read more

I Am Sad Today.

-
Image
Nope, not the reason why I did not have a post last Monday.  I was on a holiday and as you know, I already made it a rule not to post when I am on holiday so I can relish the moment. I am sad today because I chose to. Yes, today I chose to stay in this feeling so I can take a step back and understand why.  Give it reason for its existence and then DEAL with  it. Deal with it. That is what adults do when they are sad. What DEALING with sadness IS NOT?   It is not just about SOLVING your sadness.  What if it does not have any solution? What if it is beyond your control? Dealing with sadness is not about bouncing to HAPPY.  Bouncing to happy for me is like finding the nearest EXIT sign and scramming towards it in fear of being unhappy. Lastly, dealing with sadness is not an UGLY phase. It is necessary but not altogether ugly.  It is a time of discovery either about yourself, others, your feelings or situation. What then is DEALING with sadness? It is a time for sorti
Read more

Having Your Own Business

-
Image
When I went home to the Philippines in 2010 after my mom passed away, I had no job.  I went home precisely because I was to tend to my dad's business anyway and so I did not have getting a job outside of home in the agenda. Soon after, in 2011, when my dad's company was ably staffed and all system was in place, I ventured on an adventure to start my own travel agency business. With the nudging of my brother Aaron,   I attended a month-long class with Travel Depot and they guided me through the process.  The best contribution this training gave me though was that they forced me to register the business. Thus, XPERIENCE TRAVEL SERVICES was established. You see, if it were just another course, it would have been just one of those that I attended and forgot after sometime.  This one was different. I registered my business in November against the advise of my accountant because I knew that if I waited for January, this will never come to be. LESSON NUMBER 1:  START I plunged
Read more

#economyofinspiration

-
Image
I could not sleep.  My mind is running on overtime (at least one part of my body is running hehe). I have in recent weeks been exposed to so many inspired gatherings that I could not stop but feel awed by the collaborations and potentials I see around me. Which of course brings me back to the reasons why JOY is everywhere if we look hard enough. Often times, when i am worried about something, I have to remind myself to just ...GET OUT OF MY OWN HEAD and look for inspiration outside. Let me just share with you some platforms that are sources of inspiration for me now. 1.  Connected Women Philippines - is a global community of women entrepreneurs, freelancers and professionals.  They organize meet-ups all over the country. Founded by Ms. Gina Romero and Ruth Owen, Connected Women aims to gather women who support women and I think they are doing just that.  The amount of collaborations borne out of the gatherings are inspiring.  You can join the discussion on  Facebook  to wit
Read more

Be Grateful

-
Image
I am in Singapore as I write this. Technically, not a holiday and so I write. The previous post was about sadness and true to what I felt that day, I honor my sadness. However, in the past week, I also recognized that sadness is a feeling, not a state.  I felt sad, I AM NOT SAD.  There is a big difference.  As a good friend quickly pointed out, "ayos naman ang buhay mo". So, there.  It does not mean that everything in life is doing OK, the feeling of sadness will not visit us.  It can still mess up your mojo, lower your energy and distract you from time to time. However, since it is not a state, especially when it actually is not within your control, it has to pass. One important thing I had to do though was to ask myself why I felt that low last week. Yesterday, at mass, I was given my answer. I have been ungrateful. You see, gratitude is a powerful force - especially in the head.  When we are grateful, there is an elixir of happiness that is attached to it.  Y
Read more

Finding Joy

-
Image
"I wish life was simple, then it would be easier to be joyful." There lies the mystery of life and joy.  Joy is in the simplicity of life. It is weaved in the simplicity of truth.  Joy is the manifestation of acceptance of what life is... AS IS.  Whatever it is.  Wherever it is. With whomever it is. So here are some of the ways I think we can find JOY in life right NOW. 1.  Look closer.   It is easy to generalize unhappiness when one area in our life is not working as expected.  Finding joy takes effort.  We are to seek joy if we are to find it.  It has been said that what we focus on expands. If we focus on the problem, it becomes the theme of our existence.  Look for what is going right in your life rather than what is going wrong.  Is it your family's love? Is it your 8 to 5 job? Is it your health? Whatever it is, leverage on that so you can thrust what is going wrong to the background of your day.   2.  Remove Expectations .  What does being joyful m
Read more

Moving On From Regret

-
Image
Since we are on the topic of time, I would like to talk today about regrets (roll up sleeves). I had soooooo many.  From the things I did, the things I did not do, to the things I bought and did not buy; said and did not say,  ate and did not eat.  There is so much guilt on not making the right decision at the right time with the right people. STOP. I used to have a collection of regrets. I look back at them as I would a photo album or a compilation of movies or tv series played over and over.  Hah! Now, I do not want to remember the contents of that collection anymore...but I do squirm at the thought of how long I spent ogling over them like prized possessions. At some point, I took a hard look at myself and said:  "My best years are yet to come". It was liberating.  Shifting my focus from "what could have been?" to "what could I do?" was magic! With that statement, I honored the glorious past, I respected my failures and mistakes, I embra
Read more

How To Start?

-
Image
Ok, I may have pegged joy to be this profound spiritual journey towards unconditional bliss. I am sorry. Wait, I am not sorry because it is not true but because it does not have to be as hard as I may have made it sound. To begin to be joyful, all you need to do is... WAKE UP. Literally and figuratively. Literally, rise up from bed. Start the day sluggishly if you must, but get out of bed and into the world. There - is where the action happens. Figuratively, waking up is opening your eyes and listening to your OWN VOICE on what you should work on to be joyful.  It is important to tune in to YOU, because there will be other voices outside that would mess with your head and confuse you and eventually either lead you to do nothing or to overdrive.  Listen to YOU... and continue this journey, tuned in to your own voice. Waking up does not need to be a one-off.  Daily reflection and calibration to your inner compass is necessary. Have a truthful conversation with yourse
Read more

Fake

-
Image
Let me tell you a secret.   Writing these blogs makes me feel like a fake.  image from www.foundr.com This is not the first time.   I think of writing a book or organizing a talk and I stop dead in my tracks, because I feel like a fake.  I want to advise a friend to do something I have never done before (but makes sense in her situation) and I end up holding back because I feel like a fake.   I pray, and I feel like a fake.   Whenever I do something good, share something good, or express a standard, I feel like I am setting a bar even I could not reach.  I feel exhausted just thinking that people will expect me to be perfectly in tune with what I do value but could not consistently manifest.  Feeling like a fake can make me anxious sometimes.  For many of us, feeling like a fraud can be very limiting - but are we, really?   If the above description resonates with you, you are one of 70% of the population who has NEUROTIC IMPOSTOR SYNDROME.   Neu
Read more