Giving Freely

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 Happy Monday! 

In the past weeks, we have witnessed unprecedented show of generosity around us. It is wonderful to see and I know, for those who gave and received, this was a fulfilling experience. 

As humans, it is in our nature to give. We give when we work, when we relate with family and friends, when we share information. Every act of man produces something that he consciously or unconsciously share, and therefore give.  

There are two ways to give though. We can give freely or give in exchange of something. Both are perfectly fine. We cannot work everyday without a salary. We also should not raise children in exchange of them taking care of us someday. The intention should therefore be well placed and defined accordingly. 

This is also why we feel off when politicians put their names on public services. Same thing when someone who poses to be selfless constantly reminds us how selfless they are. 

When it is a transaction, the key is fairness. When it is freely given, the key is detachment. 

In transactions, we exchange things or services and we agree on the terms. As long as they are fair and met, the relationship goes smoothly. Anything extra is not expected and is out of one's generosity. 

In giving freely, it is done out of love where the fulfillment comes from the act itself- giving to a person or a cause you love. It ends there. Anything extra is not expected and is out of one's generosity. 

Giving is such a delicate act. We should be careful that we do not disappoint ourselves in the process because we fooled ourselves to thinking it is one and not the other. 

The clearer the distinction is to you and to the receiver, the more appropriate the response is and the greater the satisfaction both of you feel.  

"Utang na loob" (the emotional counterpart of giving something back)  I think is the out of bounds component of both types of giving. This is not on the giver side to decide or expect. This is entirely on the court of the receiver.  This is the icing on the cake. It is however not the cake. This enhances relationships, it should not be the foundation of the relationship because it is not within your control. 

Some reminders:

When it hurts you when people do not return a favor, check if the expectations were clear. 

When you always feel people are obligated to owe you, check your intentions. 

When a person constantly keep score and guilts you in a supposedly "freely giving" relationship, recognize the red flag. 

When a person belittles your contribution after a transaction is agreed upon, check the deal. 

Lastly, giving should be a fulfilling exercise. There is nothing more fulfilling than being able to contribute - this goes both in transactions and in giving freely. 

If giving does not make you feel joyful, STOP.  You are going to do everyone a favor. ✌



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