When Silver Linings Do Not Work

Happy Monday!

What do we do when we are sad and chasing a silver lining does not help at all?

What do we do when thinking positive just does not cut it.

Instead, we get tired of swimming against the tide and finally give in to that looming thought of less than rosy future, failed relationship, or helplessness.

What we know: no one is spared from feeling down nowadays: loss of job or livelihood, strained relationships at home due to cabin fever, life threatening virus on the loose, and the uncertainty of its end gives us more than enough reason to be down.

What we need to know: We are down but not defeated. Acknowledge that while we may be beaten up at the moment, we are not weak. While we are feeling helpless in some areas, we can do something in other (maybe less prominent) areas. While we are not ok now, we will be.

Here are some things that might help us get back on track little by little.

1. BREATHE: One self-defeating thought when we are down is the thought that we are stuck, we ran out of choices and that we are trapped in an unfortunate situation. This causes anxiety and may become overwhelming. Pause. Exercise deep breathing or meditation. Remind ourselves that we do not have to make big decisions while we are anxious. We do not have to make big steps forward. We can push the pause button and clear our head for a day or two.

2. PREVENT HANGOVER: We all know how a hangover feels, right? That is also what happens when we employ quick fix distractions. Sometimes, not getting ourselves in a deeper s#!T is helpful enough. Of course, it is better to exercise, read books, or cook but we may not be inclined to do those healthy distractions sometimes. If you cannot help it, instead of binge watching Netflix – watch movies instead of tv series. Instead of munching on chips and sweets, get one cookie or put some chips in a bowl. Instead of getting drunk, buy only what you can reasonably drink and call or drink with someone who you know have more control than you at the moment. Help yourself control yourself before you get yourself in a slippery slope.

3. HELP: This may be to ask help or to help others. These two I always advocate. One is to reach out to people who supports you and have genuine care for you. Second is to snap out of your own concerns and reach out to help others as well because doing a small act of kindness gives us back energy that we may think we lost. It helps us to realize that while we cannot do much, we can do something.

4. ASK SIMPLE QUESTIONS: Do not try to figure out when you will feel better, or when you will get your energy back, or when you will love again, or when you will get a new job - you get what I mean? There are no definite answers to these and the more uncertain, seemingly endless the wait, the more it will not help you to relax. So, park those questions. Instead, ask: What will I cook today? Which report do I start first? Who do I call to reach out to today? What time will I go to the grocery? Which part of the closet will I rearrange first? Ask simple questions that actually has answers.

5. CREATE A TOOLBOX: Make an inventory of proud moments, happy memories, wonderful people. Make a mental note, journal about them, talk to them about others. Remember that when we are feeling down, we may have short memory or selective focus. Remind yourself what you are capable of and how you have proven it in previous victories.

Sometimes trying to make sense of things, or solving problems are not the first steps to moving forward. Especially when solutions are not apparent. There are times when keeping sane, getting a hold of ourselves, arresting a downward spiral and preserving what little strength we still have is enough for the time being.

Remember, our strength is not always seen in achievements or big turn arounds. Sometimes, our strength lies in crawling out of bed and just surviving one challenging day at a time.

#joyinmetoday