Escaping the Victim Mentality

I am sometimes guilty of this. Up until I catch myself, I ruminate on the thought that life is not fair. That it favors others who are “more” than me. 

Needless to say, that does not solve anything. All the rambling, all the worrying, all the feeling bad about circumstances (and worse, about people) leads to a dead end. Where all I have to face is stil, well, ME. ‘Coz in the end, I am responsible for this story I am living... as you are in yours.

Listen to your self talk. When you think about yourself as an outsider in your life... always saying you can’t because he or she is to be considered, always saying you are not enough “yet”, always doubting if you can decide for yourself... stop. 

You can. You will. You answer to yourself.

If you are on the receiving end of this “victim story”, take time to listen, empathize but always ask... “So what will you do now? ”. 

When you tell your “victim story” to friends or family, do they support, add on, justify? Although it may happen that they just do not know how to deal with you, be aware that you should be airing out to the right people. Those who ask you questions towards solutions are probably it.

Most people with the Victim Syndrome do speak up.. to their colleagues, friends, relatives, family.... anyone else as long as they are not the “oppressor”. 

Talk it out directly with those who are making you feel as you do. Letting them know how you feel is the first step. More often than not, our being a victim is our creation and is not inflicted on us on purpose. Clearing the air and working towards solutions is the way to go.

Sometimes, victim mentality makes us think that we do not have control. However, what we are actually “giving up” is the responsibility for the circumstances we are in. 

It is not our fault. Therefore we cannot do anything about it. We are just being submissive, therefore whatever the outcome is due to their idea. 

When we take an active role and responsibility in decisions, we run the risk of being wrong, but at least, in our own terms. Part of not being the victim is owning up to these “possible” mistakes along the way. Sometime even disappointing some important people every now and then.

What is the worst thing that could happen?

Weakness, fear, uncertainty. These are the “shadows” lurking in our heads when we resort to victim mentality. 

Snap out of it and catch yourself hiding in your corner and ask... “What am I doing getting all 😩hopeless and powerless?” What am I not doing yet? What am I afraid of? How do I regain my footing?

I hope that these simple tips can help us train our brain to think like the empowered, purposeful, valuable person that we are.