F.O.M.O.
Fear Of Missing Out. This is one phenomenon that governs the modern psyche. Many of our loneliness can be traced from this inordinate fear. I can only hope I do not have it, but strive as I may to do away with it, my disquiet and easily distracted mind tells me otherwise. How about you?
When we say we do not want to miss out, what do we actually mean? Miss out on what?
Ultimately, F.O.M.O may mean not being able to be fully happy with the moment because something better might just be happening around the corner. It means not being happy with our wardrobe because what we buy today is so last season by the time we get home. It means being tentative in relationships because a better person may just be out there. It means not being fully engaged in our work because we question the finality of the path we are taking towards that "calling".
What is common in all these? Tentativeness, discontent, covetousness, loneliness.
In a world where the first task of the day is to rush to see what is happening "out there", how do we pull ourselves back and regain an "inner life" that is not based on whether we "have it all".
Here are some thoughts that might help us.
1. Life is meant to be lived, not to be figured out. It is alright to feel lost from time to time because that is how to navigate through life. You go through it. Recognize that others are doing the same, no matter how "figured out" their life seems to be. We accompany each other in our unique journeys, not compare them or determine who is doing better. We are how we live. We are not rewarded by "luck", but by the person we become because of our everyday decisions.
2. Be happy for the good fortune of others. There is no better way to do away with F.O.M.O. than to be happy and uplifted by those who are doing better, behaving better, having more - simply because there will always be people who are in better circumstances that us. We are not less because others are greater. We are not nobody because somebody else is "somebody". We do not feel poor because others have so much more. Even if our minds are wired to compare, it does not mean we should be put down by the greatness of others.
3. Prioritize and work on your own goals. I don't know if this is a tested formula but I find that happy people are generally busy. They are busy building a life, busy working on a goal, busy improving themselves. When we are preoccupied with the things mentioned above, it is hard to mind other people's business. Its likely that you'd get on with your own business and not dwell on who is doing better or worse. What ever time you devote on what you are working on, does not seem to pull you away from everything else. You are content with how you spend your time. In contrast, people with F.O.M.O. spends time on things that may not be entirely important to them. Thus, they are not fully consumed. The trouble is when they find out that they are running after other people's dreams and not their own.
4. Do not be bothered by what you do not have. List these things down and ask yourself, how are you now that you do not yet have them? How important is it for you to eventually get them? There are many things that we want simply because we saw them in other people. The challenge is to feel whole even without these. Because, really, most of the time, you are fine without them. We always say, "be grateful with what you have". I say, it is equally important that our minds are quiet over things we do not have. The same goes for our minds being quiet over things we do not know. So what if we do not know what our friends are thinking? So what if we do not all think the same? So what if we do not get the attention of many? What is wrong with not being like everybody else?
5. Reflect on the last things, not getting things first. It is exhilarating enough to run after every novelty, trivialities, or trend. It is more tiring when in the end, we find ourselves pursuing the things that have little value. What is valuable? For you, what really matters? They say, we can only define what is really important in this life when we think of our last days. When everything is about to end, what will you wish to have? Who would you want to be there? Where do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered? Perspective. That is what this lends us.
When I was young, my Apo (grandmother) would keep us in the house to finish our chores while the other kids in the neighborhood are playing. We can only look out and hope we were out there as well. Did we miss out? They were still friends after our chores. There was still play even when we came late. We still had fun even when we obeyed (against our childhood will, mind you).
I am not immune from F.O.M.O. but I am lucky enough to have had the privilege of being brought up needing little, appreciating simple things, knowing that not all that excites others should excite me. I can decide what matters to me. I can decide against the crowd . I can decide even against my own whims and I am stronger and better for it.
When we say we do not want to miss out, what do we actually mean? Miss out on what?
Ultimately, F.O.M.O may mean not being able to be fully happy with the moment because something better might just be happening around the corner. It means not being happy with our wardrobe because what we buy today is so last season by the time we get home. It means being tentative in relationships because a better person may just be out there. It means not being fully engaged in our work because we question the finality of the path we are taking towards that "calling".
What is common in all these? Tentativeness, discontent, covetousness, loneliness.
In a world where the first task of the day is to rush to see what is happening "out there", how do we pull ourselves back and regain an "inner life" that is not based on whether we "have it all".
Here are some thoughts that might help us.
1. Life is meant to be lived, not to be figured out. It is alright to feel lost from time to time because that is how to navigate through life. You go through it. Recognize that others are doing the same, no matter how "figured out" their life seems to be. We accompany each other in our unique journeys, not compare them or determine who is doing better. We are how we live. We are not rewarded by "luck", but by the person we become because of our everyday decisions.
2. Be happy for the good fortune of others. There is no better way to do away with F.O.M.O. than to be happy and uplifted by those who are doing better, behaving better, having more - simply because there will always be people who are in better circumstances that us. We are not less because others are greater. We are not nobody because somebody else is "somebody". We do not feel poor because others have so much more. Even if our minds are wired to compare, it does not mean we should be put down by the greatness of others.
3. Prioritize and work on your own goals. I don't know if this is a tested formula but I find that happy people are generally busy. They are busy building a life, busy working on a goal, busy improving themselves. When we are preoccupied with the things mentioned above, it is hard to mind other people's business. Its likely that you'd get on with your own business and not dwell on who is doing better or worse. What ever time you devote on what you are working on, does not seem to pull you away from everything else. You are content with how you spend your time. In contrast, people with F.O.M.O. spends time on things that may not be entirely important to them. Thus, they are not fully consumed. The trouble is when they find out that they are running after other people's dreams and not their own.
4. Do not be bothered by what you do not have. List these things down and ask yourself, how are you now that you do not yet have them? How important is it for you to eventually get them? There are many things that we want simply because we saw them in other people. The challenge is to feel whole even without these. Because, really, most of the time, you are fine without them. We always say, "be grateful with what you have". I say, it is equally important that our minds are quiet over things we do not have. The same goes for our minds being quiet over things we do not know. So what if we do not know what our friends are thinking? So what if we do not all think the same? So what if we do not get the attention of many? What is wrong with not being like everybody else?
5. Reflect on the last things, not getting things first. It is exhilarating enough to run after every novelty, trivialities, or trend. It is more tiring when in the end, we find ourselves pursuing the things that have little value. What is valuable? For you, what really matters? They say, we can only define what is really important in this life when we think of our last days. When everything is about to end, what will you wish to have? Who would you want to be there? Where do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered? Perspective. That is what this lends us.
When I was young, my Apo (grandmother) would keep us in the house to finish our chores while the other kids in the neighborhood are playing. We can only look out and hope we were out there as well. Did we miss out? They were still friends after our chores. There was still play even when we came late. We still had fun even when we obeyed (against our childhood will, mind you).
I am not immune from F.O.M.O. but I am lucky enough to have had the privilege of being brought up needing little, appreciating simple things, knowing that not all that excites others should excite me. I can decide what matters to me. I can decide against the crowd . I can decide even against my own whims and I am stronger and better for it.
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