Real Talk

Pouring your heart out to people who are close to you can be very liberating.  Why? Because you know you need not guard your words and you would always be accepted with understanding and that all will be resolved by openness.  No holds barred talk is indeed a true sign of real friendship.  

That is why, I use real talk not only to release my feelings. I also use it to screen the people who are in my life.  

I am grateful that I have a family and lots of friends who have been with me all these years despite my sharp words and less than pleasant forthrightness.  

Don't get me wrong. I do teach about tact and in many many occasions, I use tact to deal with people.   Many friends would come to me to ask how they should state things, some doing role play with me even.  

However, there are times when I speak without edits because I feel that there are words that lose their effectiveness if they are screened too much. Usually, I use them in groups where I feel safe, with people I trust.  

Similar to photoshopped photos, words that are blurted out with too much care may not show the real picture.  People need to hear the words that will not otherwise be given by people who care less.  

Being secured in a group of people who care leaves me a warm fuzzy feeling of joy all the time.  

Secure yourself a group of people you can safely "be known".  Psychological safety increases joy.  

How do you know you are in a group where you have psychological safety? 

1. People talk openly about ideas, feelings, challenges without feeling they will be attacked, ridiculed, singled out, judged.  

2.  Conversations do not end with winners and losers.  People talk without having to defend, protect or even agree.  

3.  You learn together.  Members do not operate under the fear of blame, rather, everyone seeks to understand and move towards problem-solving.  

4.  Conversations are deep and is received with attention.  Oh attention! How rare are face to face conversations with full attention (sans phones, gadgets, people watching) nowadays? Very.  Groups that are safe makes you feel safe sometimes just by the attention they give you.  

5.  Lastly, you know a group is a haven of psychological safety when "arguments", when they inevitably arise, can always be resolved and eventually sweetens the relationship.  

It is my wish that we all find these, first with our own families and with people we spend the most time with.  If we find one person in life to whom we feel safe with, keep him/her because with all of life's insecurities, he/she might just spell the difference between sanity and insanity.  

Be sane!