I Want To Be Joyful!
It is ironic that we want to be joyful - yet everyday, we seem to invent an excuse not to be.
Do not beat yourself up though.
There are psychological processes and mindsets that we may not be aware we are operating on that gets in the way of living a joyful life. The more we are aware of them and their counterparts, the more we can choose wisely our OS, so to speak.
Linear Thinking vs. Lateral Thinking
We usually think in a linear manner. We perceive things to appear in sequence. We also experience life in sequence. Even excuses to joy follows a linear pattern. " When the kids are all grown up, and the bills stop...that's when joy will set in." , " After I get my promotion, then things will look up", "They come first".
Although linear thinking is helpful in many areas in our lives, it is not a requirement for joy. Positioning joy and happiness to follow a linear path suppresses the natural flow of joy.
Linear thinking relies on patterns. It waits for triggers and signals (promotion, vacation, weekend, birthday, lottery) to set off before another thing happens. Lateral thinking on the other hand invites challenging the status quo and changing patterns.
"What will make me happy tomorrow that I cannot do today?", "Why should I be joyful only when I achieve something?", "Why should serving others mean postponing my joy?", "My children deserves a happy parent now", "What is wrong with miniature holidays?".
Redefining our parameters for joy makes it accessible. Being creative with our practice of joy allows us to "skip the line" and not wait for the perfect time, perfect opportunity, completion of a phase before we could allow ourselves to experience joy.
Scarcity vs. Abundance
Another mindset that challenges our capability to be joyful is the scarcity mindset. "I have to work hard, be rich so I could be happy" , " I have no one, I cannot be happy", "I am left behind by my peers, how can I be happy about that?", "I have to be number 1, I do not have time to relax".
Abundance as a concept - and money, time and self as objects - all seem flexible to me. They adjust based on the bearer. We have plenty of time when we manage our time instead of it managing us. We are rich when we use money and not let money use us. We perceive ourselves to be enough when we see ourselves at our bare minimum and accept it as it is.
There is no lack of evidence to show that money, time and achievements/ fame do not guarantee joy. Yet, time and again, people pursue these objects so that they can be joyful. Often finding themselves weary, facing a dead end. When we focus on money, time and achievement as limited resources, scarcity mindset sets in. The scarcity mindset is a bottomless pit of dissatisfaction and loneliness.
On the other hand, the abundant mindset tells us there is enough for everyone, that you are enough, that there is security in the world and that there is plenty to share.
Do people with an abundant mindset shun pursuing goals? No. They do set goals. In fact, they pursue their goals with others, not against others. They impact their environment because they are able to share profits, achievements, decisions, time and success with others.
Despair vs. Grit
The concept of joy is best observed when the rubber meets the road. You cannot say you have joy if you have not overcome loneliness, sadness, defeat or difficulties. You have to have a sense of conquest to enjoy JOY. Self-mastery and reinventing the self are sure ways to increase your joy.
Grit is resilience and perseverance. It is doggedly pursuing joy in spite of.
"But you have it easy, I don't."
We also cannot assume the size of the battle fought by anyone else. What may not matter to us may be of great importance to others. Respecting each other's journey is part of this process.
The opposite of grit is despair. Despair is relinquishing your power to that of the circumstance. When we have grit, we do not give this control up. Taking control of what we do or what affects us makes us be responsible for the way we live our life. It consists of taking control and creating our own sense of joy because frankly, no one will do it for you.
What is your excuse?
Do not beat yourself up though.
There are psychological processes and mindsets that we may not be aware we are operating on that gets in the way of living a joyful life. The more we are aware of them and their counterparts, the more we can choose wisely our OS, so to speak.
Linear Thinking vs. Lateral Thinking
We usually think in a linear manner. We perceive things to appear in sequence. We also experience life in sequence. Even excuses to joy follows a linear pattern. " When the kids are all grown up, and the bills stop...that's when joy will set in." , " After I get my promotion, then things will look up", "They come first".
Although linear thinking is helpful in many areas in our lives, it is not a requirement for joy. Positioning joy and happiness to follow a linear path suppresses the natural flow of joy.
Linear thinking relies on patterns. It waits for triggers and signals (promotion, vacation, weekend, birthday, lottery) to set off before another thing happens. Lateral thinking on the other hand invites challenging the status quo and changing patterns.
"What will make me happy tomorrow that I cannot do today?", "Why should I be joyful only when I achieve something?", "Why should serving others mean postponing my joy?", "My children deserves a happy parent now", "What is wrong with miniature holidays?".
Redefining our parameters for joy makes it accessible. Being creative with our practice of joy allows us to "skip the line" and not wait for the perfect time, perfect opportunity, completion of a phase before we could allow ourselves to experience joy.
Scarcity vs. Abundance
Another mindset that challenges our capability to be joyful is the scarcity mindset. "I have to work hard, be rich so I could be happy" , " I have no one, I cannot be happy", "I am left behind by my peers, how can I be happy about that?", "I have to be number 1, I do not have time to relax".
Abundance as a concept - and money, time and self as objects - all seem flexible to me. They adjust based on the bearer. We have plenty of time when we manage our time instead of it managing us. We are rich when we use money and not let money use us. We perceive ourselves to be enough when we see ourselves at our bare minimum and accept it as it is.
There is no lack of evidence to show that money, time and achievements/ fame do not guarantee joy. Yet, time and again, people pursue these objects so that they can be joyful. Often finding themselves weary, facing a dead end. When we focus on money, time and achievement as limited resources, scarcity mindset sets in. The scarcity mindset is a bottomless pit of dissatisfaction and loneliness.
On the other hand, the abundant mindset tells us there is enough for everyone, that you are enough, that there is security in the world and that there is plenty to share.
Do people with an abundant mindset shun pursuing goals? No. They do set goals. In fact, they pursue their goals with others, not against others. They impact their environment because they are able to share profits, achievements, decisions, time and success with others.
Despair vs. Grit
The concept of joy is best observed when the rubber meets the road. You cannot say you have joy if you have not overcome loneliness, sadness, defeat or difficulties. You have to have a sense of conquest to enjoy JOY. Self-mastery and reinventing the self are sure ways to increase your joy.
Grit is resilience and perseverance. It is doggedly pursuing joy in spite of.
"But you have it easy, I don't."
We also cannot assume the size of the battle fought by anyone else. What may not matter to us may be of great importance to others. Respecting each other's journey is part of this process.
The opposite of grit is despair. Despair is relinquishing your power to that of the circumstance. When we have grit, we do not give this control up. Taking control of what we do or what affects us makes us be responsible for the way we live our life. It consists of taking control and creating our own sense of joy because frankly, no one will do it for you.
What is your excuse?
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